Why?
by Shinan7
Summary: Rin can't help but ask why. Why did everything go so wrong? Why? Warning: Boy/boy love Eventual Rin/Bon pairing!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Blue Exorcist does not in any way, shape, or form belong to me. **

**Note: Welcome to my second Blue Exorcist fan fiction!**

**Please let me know if you find this interesting, and if I should continue it. **

**This will be an eventual Bon/Rin pairing (If people want me to continue it)but it won't get to that for a few chapters, maybe more than a few. **

**If enough people want me to keep going, I'll explain a little of what I'm planning.**

**Again: YAOI, BOY/BOY warning! I do not want any flames about this since I am and did warn you multiple times.**

**I have been writing all of my fan fictions on my phone, it takes a whole lot longer to write things on my phone but since my laptop is dead/dying, it's the only option I have so please bare with me.**

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><p>Chapter 1:<p>

The park was almost deserted, as it should be. Rain and darkness tended to keep normal people indoors.

Rin wasn't a normal person though. He had just found that out, after years and years of not being able to fit in, not being able to belong, he finally knew why.

"Stupid old man, you should have just let me die, or be taken. Why the hell would you let yourself be killed like that? Why?" Rin felt the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, his hands tightened on the sword, trying to keep his hands from shaking. "Idiot... you _stupid_ idiot..."

Rin doubled over, hands pushing Kurikara's hilt against his forehead. "What the hell is going on!? Why me? Why this? Just who or what am I?"

The memories started to flow. Everytime he lost his temper, everytime he got in a fight, everytime he lost control of his emotions. Even if it had been to protect someone, he had been called a demon. He really was a demon.

Then he remembered, remembered how his old man had been there for him, always stood in his corner, been by his side. He had been there to pick Rin up, to make him think. Even if he lost his temper all over again the next day, he was still there. His old man was always there... and now...

Now he was dead. He was dead all because of Rin, because of what he was, because he was a demon.

He regretted his last words to him. All those horrible, vile words. He hadn't meant them, he'd just been mad, all those secrets. Why? Why didn't he tell him? And now, he died. Those awful words were the last thing he heard Rin say. Thought Rin hated him.

"You should have just let me be taken. You shouldn't have died..." Rin said through clenched teeth, tears pouring down his face, unchecked. Like a river, they flowed, unrestrained.

As if the sky was sympathetic to his loss, the clouds poured down their water. The rain was light at first, but got heavier and heavier by the second. It didn't look like it would stop anytime soon.

Rin didn't move a muscle. He didn't care if he got wet, didn't care if he got sick. He just didn't care what happened to him anymore.

Thoughts kept running through his head. One of them stood out the most.

He was a demon, a fucking demon! All those people, every single one that had told him that... had been right. Every single one of them.

But...

His father had known he was a demon.

Why did he protect him if he knew what Rin was?

Why hadn't he told him?

Why keep it from him?

Why?

**N: What do you think? Would it be interesting enough for me to continue? Please let me know :) thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Blue Exorcist is not mine.**

**Note: Thank you for reviewing: Guest, AnonymousIDK, Ern Estine 13624, WillowJune! I really love that you find it interesting and want me to keep going! And thank you to anyone that has read, favorited, and followed as well!**

**My plan for Rin will be that he is a bit more depressed and introverted. Yukio will be more of a dick to him and slightly superior. Events might not happen in the order they did in the manga or anime depending on which direction I want to go when I get there. **

**Chapter 2: Swirling Thoughts**

The next few days were a blur for Rin. Everything muddled together. The pain of losing someone only got worse, the wound still bleed.

After trying to talk with his twin, Rin only felt like he was being ignored by him. After the second time of feeling like that, Rin kept to himself in his room. Food hadn't even been a thought that crossed through his mind during his isolation.

The words:

Demon.

Demon.

_Demon.__  
><em>

Ran through his head as he lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. The damn tail, the tail that had popped up on that day, was a constant reminder of what he really was. The ears and teeth he could have lived with, but not the tail.

_A demon._

The day of the funeral dawned, brighter than Rin thought it should be. The service was quick (or was that just him?) And when it ended, he was the last one left standing at the grave. Yukio hadn't even stood next to him.

That day ended with a new goal, he was going to kill Satan. That friend his dad had told him to call had turned up, tried to kill him. Rin had screamed he wanted to kill Satan, and Mephisto had agreed to let him train. Train to be an exorcist.

Since then, Rin had been back to the cemetery several times, nobody knew he went there.

Rin stared down at the grave, words circling through his mind.

Demon, demon! Satan's spawn. Not human, not human. Demon's child.

_"I needed to raise you as a human being, that's why I chose to say nothing."_

The old man said that, but why keep it a secret for so long? Why?

_"How ferocious! He's a demon's child!"_

"But I don't want to be a demon..." Rin muttered through clenched teeth.

_"I needed to raise you as a human..."_

_"You aren't human."_

Why tell him he needed to raise Rin as human, then tell him he wasn't human? He though he was human, how can he even be a demon?

**_"Call me_ papa."**

The shudder that passed through Rin's body was full of disgust, and hate.

"I'll _never _call you that. Never." Rin growled out, hands tightening on the sword that hadn't left his sight. "I'm going to kill _you_."

Then his eyes focused back on _his _grave . Tears immediately flowed down his cheeks, teeth biting his lip as Rin fell to his knees.

"Why did you have to die!" Rin punched the ground before he leaned forward, his forehead on the freshly turned dirt.

Why couldn't the last few days disappear? Why couldn't everything turn out to be just a horrible nightmare? A nightmare that he could wake up from, that he could forget?

But it wouldn't. Nothing would ever be the same anymore.

Flashback:

"I want to be an exorcist! I'm gonna kill Satan!" Rin shouted, he felt those words ring true throughout his body. He would kill Satan, he would make him regret ever laying a hand on his old man.

"Interesting."

End of Flashback:  
><span>

Rin sat up and looked up at the night sky. He was surprised(in a detached sort of way) that it was that late already. With a grunt, he stood up and left the cemetery, not hiding the tear streaks on his face. He needed to get his stuff together. He would be on his way to learn how to kill Satan. Rin wanted to make sure he took everything that mattered, which wasn't much really.

His brother, Yukio, was the most important thing, but Yukio hadn't really been talking to him since that day. Had been reserved and distant towards Rin.

That had been another stab to the chest. A twist of the knife already in his bleeding heart.

Hope was that it was just because Yukio was still in shock by their father's death. Reality pointed to a different direction.

**A/N: Thank you for reading! Don't be afraid to drop me a review! Did this chapter make sense? I wanted it a little muddled but if it's too much I'll change it.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: ...**

**Note: Thank you for the favs, follows and reviews! BookAddict67, Ern Estine, A chance to fly, and guesties.**

**Guesties: I don't really have a schedual to update. SometimesI might update once every week, others I might update less often then that. Some reasons for this is that I'm currently juggling 9 other stories at the same time as this one, and another is my busy(or not so busy, depends on what I have going on at the time) schedual. Basically its just whenever I get the chance to write it up. I'll try to update at least once a month though for sure. And the reason the chapters are short is because my phone simetimes looses anything over 1000 words. Its annoying but that's why they are the length they are. It also takes me a whole lot longer to write it from mY phone.**

**I'll state thisagain. This fanfic will follow the anime/manga very very loosely. It will not have the exact same dialogue. Just wanted to get that out there xD.**

**Chapter 3: **

Rin stepped out of the monastery, absent-mindedly rubbing the line of three dots on his wrist(a habit that he'd acquired a long time ago, since the first day he'd put them there), lost deep in his thoughts... memories... Memories of when they were younger, when Yukio relied on Rin to protect him, to keep the bullies away, to keep him safe.

That... that had been a long time ago. One day, Yukio, had just told him that he didn't need the protection no more. That day was the start of them being not so close. Rin hid it from their father, acted like there wasn't anything wrong, like he wasn't drowning inside. But he was. At least Yukio had still talked to him... It was funny, in a sad way. Rin had thought that nothing would change between them. They were brothers, twins, wasn't there there supposed to be a special connection between them for the rest of their lives? He'd been so incredibly wrong.

Why _hadn't_ Yukio asked him anything? About how their old man died... about him... Why was he being so distant? He hadn't killed their father...

Rin clenched his hand tight as a thought hit him. He hadn't killed their father, but because of what he was... that was why he had died. If Rin hadn't been around him, if he'd somehow gotten far enough away like the old man had originally wanted him to do... he would still be alive.

So maybe it really was Rin's fault that he was dead.

He didn't notice that his nails had dug into the palm of his hands, didn't notice the polite replies and fake smiles that he used as he said goodbye to the monks doing chores. It was like he was on autopilot. It helped, Rin didn't want anyone to see his turmoil... He couldn't let them worry. Had to pretend everything was alright between him and Yukio. They wouldn't be able to do anything anyway. Why make them worry for that? They couldn't see anything else, he didn't need nor want them to.

"Have you seen Yukio? Or did he already leave?" Rin heard himself say as if from far away.

"He's still here, we haven't seen him around lately but he hasn't left yet."

Rin nodded, tuning out again into his thoughts, body going back to autopilot as he lost himself in his mind.

Rin snapped back as walked out the front gate, and then he waited, his hair hiding his face as he looked down at the concrete in front of him.

Maybe... Maybe... Rin cut off that thought, he shouldn't think like that. He couldn't. He still had hope that Yukio would talk to him. While he still had that small hope, he couldn't let himself think like that...

Suddenly a pink limo stopped right in front of him(almost smashing into him), startling Rin out of his thoughts. The man from the other day, Mephisto, popped out of the window.

"Rin Okumura! So nice to see you again!" The man said happily, he was completely the opposite of what he'd acted before. He had wanted to kill Rin, and now, he was acting like nothing happened.

"Where are you gonna be taking me?" Rin asked, forgoing the hello.

Mephisto got a gleam in his eye, the smirk reminding him of the other day. "Why, to True Cross Academy, of course!"

Rin blinked in surprise, making himself focus on the strange man. "What was that?" He asked. Rin must have heard wrong, it couldn't be...

"True Cross Academy." Mephisto grinned at the look on Rin's face. "You see, I am the director of True Cross Academy. Starting today, you are a student of my institution!"

Rin couldn't believe it, it wasn't possible. "Wait, but I thought..."

"Mr. Faust!Good morning!" Yukio's voice interrupted Rin. He turned, eyes wide as his brother stopped next to him.

Yukio never even glanced at Rin's direction. That... hurt. But to keep that at bay, Rin occupied himself with another question. What was with calling Mephisto Mr. Faust?

"Hello! Mr. Okumura! Now, come on children, True Cross Academy awaits!" Mephisto cried it joyfully. Next thing that Rin knew was the fact the he was sitting in the limo, next to his brother.

"Its kind of mind-blowing, huh Yukio. I mean, you know, a dufus like me getting into True Cross just like you." Rin said quietly so only his brother could hear him.

Yukio ignored him, he didn't even look his way.

Rin glanced around the ridiculous pink limo more than a little nervous and... hurt. Yukio was sitting next to him, his body shifted away from Rin. Yukio didn't say a word to his twin, just stuck his nose in that book and completely ignored him. The hurt grew the longer that Yukio stayed silent. Rin turned away, not able to look at the obvious rejection anymore. It hurt too damn much. He made sure not to let that hurt show through his mask. Once again, he shifted his thoughts to a different topic, a topic that would keep him from his negative emotions.

Why was he even going to True Cross? Wasn't he supposed to be trained to be an exorcist? What did the Academy have to do with exorcist trading?

Rin's eyes flickered over to Mephisto or , whatever the hell his name was. Who the hell, in their right mind, would make _that _lunatic into the Director of an Academy?

Mephisto noticed his look and gave him another of his creepy grins...

Rin pretended not to notice, hopefully his training wouldn't take long. The way things were going, he'd have his brother ignore him for years. At least if he wasn't around, he could pretend that Yukio still liked him...

Pretending was better than the emptiness that was in his heart. The sooner he killed Satan the better. He would atone for his mistakes only then.

And if he died during the fight, hopefully he killed Satan first, then all the better. He wouldn't feel so alone after that. He wouldn't feel _anything_.

Rin leaned his head back, keeping his eyes shut, trying to hold back the pitiful tears that had sprung up. He dug his sharp nails even deeper into his palms. The pain stopped his tears. Physical pain was better then emotional... emotional pain hurtmore than chopping off a body part. Physical pain distracted from emotional enough to get him under control. The tears never fell.

**A/N: Thank you for reading! Sorry it took me a while, was a little busy this week. I took a note from Bon and started getting up early to go for a run xD. Not as early as he does but 8am is early enough for me.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Obviously a fan-fiction.**

**Note: Thank you BookAddict67, A chance to fly, and Ern Estine 13624 for the reviews! **

**Chapter 4:**

"We're almost there!" Mephisto cried out joyfully into the awkward silence of the limo. He had seemed amused with the tension between the twins, even grinned out right when Yukio had ignored Rin's attempt at conversation. Rin's dislike of him only intensified. Mephisto seemed the type to enjoy watching people suffer. How he and the old man had become friends was a mystery... but then the old man hadn't really told Rin about his exorcist side. Had kept that part of himself secret from Rin. Why was the reason for it? Wouldn't telling Rin be better than keeping it a secret? Was it because of how other exorcists would react to him? Like when he'd first met Mephisto? Would they all try to kill him too? Did they know who he was? What he was? If they didn't know, Rin wasn't going to tell them. Dying or being killed was not in any way part of his plans. At least not yet.

"You'd better put on your school uniform Mr. Okumura." Mephisto said chuckling a little, almost like he could read Rin's thoughts.

Rin opened his eye's in surprise. Why hadn't he been told about the uniform earlier? What the hell were they trying to do to him?

Without a word to the purple and pink loving freak, Rin grabbed the box that Mephisto handed out to him. After ripping the top off, Rin pulled out a button up shirt, blazer, and a tie.

The sight of the tie made Rin tear up a bit. The last time he'd worn one, his old man had tied it for him.

Rin gritted his teeth and changed into the clothes and made sure to tie the tie right. He remembered exactly how to do it, the process was forever branded into his mind. He would never forget the last thing that his dad had taught him.

"Your tie tying skills are extraordinary!" Mephisto said with a spark in his eyes, making Rin start in surprise.

With a muttered 'thanks', Rin glanced out the window, trying to see where he was going to spend the next few years.

"And we're here!" Mephisto cried out in a sing-song voice that made Rin wince. The man was entirely too happy, he used the farce of joy as a mask to hide his sinister side. Rin could tell that by the glimpses he had seen. Plus he had tried to kill Rin without so much as a my bad.

The limo stopped suddenly, jarring Rin from his seat. "Try not to her into any trouble! I am technically your legal guardian." Mephisto said with a wink at Rin as Yukio climbed out of the limo with a smile and thank you for the ride to Mephisto.

As Rin began to follow him, Mephisto spoke, stopping Rin cold with the words that left his mouth.

"Watch your back, things certainly aren't how they used to be." Rin looked at him in shock. What did he mean by that? Because things were certainly not the same, not with his old man... gone. Or was he talking about Yukio? Or was it someone else?

"You should hurry, your supposed to be following your brother." Mephisto said shooing Rin out of the limo like he hadn't said anything weird earlier. The door slammed shut as soon as Rin's foot left the vehicle, and not even a moment after that, the limo was gone.

Rin couldn't help but stare after it. What did he mean?!

His life was definitely never going to be the same.

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><p>Rin looked around for Yukio. For a few panicked moments, as Rin glanced around with his eyes-the rest of his body was frozen in place, he couldn't spot him. He absolutely hated being in crowded areas, it made him feel claustrophobic and alone at the same time. Rin didn't know why it started but ever since he had been a small kid, he'd felt like that. Having so many people around only made the fact that he didn't know anyone and that he didn't have friends even more clear. Even though he was surrounded by people, Rin <em>was <em>completely alone.

That was how most(if not all) of his life was. He'd have people around but they never called Rin their friend. When he was young, Rin tried to make friends, he tried so hard to make people like him. Sometimes he had thought he'd even found a couple that did seem to want him as a friend. To play with him, to laugh with him, to get into innocent trouble with him.

That never lasted for long though. Eventually, they all left him alone. After so many times of it happening, he'd decided that the only friend he needed was Yukio. That he didn't really need anybody else.

But even Yukio had pulled away from Rin, said he didn't need him to to protect him. It cut Rin, his brother left him alone, had basically said that he didn't need him anymore. Sure, he had still talked to Rin but it really wasn't the same from then on. That was when the fights, the brawls that Rin had always found himself in, got worse. Rin never started them but he would always gravitate towards trouble, or maybe trouble liked to find him. Rin didn't care how, he just liked the release it gave him. He liked the physical pain, it distracted him from his loneliness, from his sad life and emotional pain.

Some punches hurt more than others, but Rin never flinched from them. He actually had a smile on his face when he fought. Rin enjoyed it, the pain was amazing, it made his heart start pumping like crazy, let him not care about anything but that moment.

Just before Rin got lost in even more past thoughts, and wishing that he could find someone to fight with, Yukio turned up. He was walking briskly towards Rin, he stopped a few feet away from Rin and extended his hand. Rin took the paper that Yukio gave him, and glanced down at it.

"That's your schedule. We're having the school entrance ceremony in a few minutes so just follow me and take a seat." Yukio said with a curt nod before taking off again.

Rin opened his mouth to thank him but closed it again. His brother didn't seem to even want to be with him let alone talk to him. With a sad sigh, Rin kept his distance but made sure not to lose sight of him as they went towards the flow of students entering a building.

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><p>Rin sat down in a random seat near the back, making sure to keep his sword in front of him, the red wrapping closed tightly. As he'd walked by people, he had thought that someone would comment on it. Most school teachers would have done just that. True Cross did nothing of the sort. Maybe they already knew he had it.<p>

"This school is so weird." Rin commented under his breath, his eyes constantly flickering from side to side as he took it all in. When the school officials began to speak and welcome them, Rin didn't even pay attention. His eyes went from person to person. A pink haired guy to the far left, a purple and black-haired girl to the right, a bald-headed kid towards the front. Then his eyes caught sight of someone with hair he'd never really seen before a few seats ahead of him. His hair was supposed to be either a dark brown or black. The weird part was he'd bleached his hair right in the middle. Rin had seen people with bleached hair before... but why did he do it like that? It reminded Rin of a chicken, the way it was spiked up like that. Rin's eyes stayed glued on him for a while. He caught a few glimpses of a smile.

That made Rin wish he could smile like that, could be happy... But that was never going to happen. That much was obvious.

Suddenly, Yukio's voice brought him out of his amused thoughts.

Rin stared up at his brother as he spoke. He acted so... nice and kind. Why was it that he acted that way with every one else but him?

With a mental grimace, Rin slouched into his seat his thoughts taking him away from the present again.

Why was he even here? Wasn't he supposed to go train to be an exorcist? What in the world did exorcists and True Cross have to do with each other? He was supposed to go kill Satan! How was he going to learn how from here? Why hadn't anyone explained it? Did they like keeping Rin on the dark? Was this some type of sick joke?

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><p>Rin glanced down at his schedule as students flowed around him, like he was a rock and they were the river. Once again it hit him how alone he was. With a shake of his head, Rin pulled himself out of his depressing thoughts and began to walk. School wouldn't truely start for a few more days but they still had to go around and find where everything was located and talk to the teachers.<p>

By the end of that, Rin was exasperated. First off, even before he opened his mouth, people were talking about him! He hadn't done a thing and already people avoided hom! What the hell was that all about?! Couldn't they at least wait until he actually did something?! There was a reason why he had dropped out of school in the first place, why the hell was he back in one again?! Secondly, who the hell would build an escalator in a school?! For all Rin knew, there was also an elevator or two somewhere as well!

Rin's eye twitched as he got even more frustrated. Then he saw the prices of the food. "What the hell?! Do they think I'm fucking rich?! This is ridiculous!" Rin walked away with disgust, not caring if people heard him cussing under his breath. It wasn't like they approached him before. As he stalked down a deserted hallway, something hit him. "Where the hell am I supposed to be staying?"

A bark sounded from behind Rin just then. As he looked back, Rin spotted a little white dog with a pink bow around his neck. "What the heck...?"

The little dog barked again, coming close then running away while looking back at Rin. It seemed like it wanted Rin to follow it.

"Now I'm following a dog..." Rin muttered to himself as he followed the dog out of the building. "I think I have gone nuts..."

The dog picked up the pace and Rin ran to keep up with the fast little fuzzball. He was still wondering why he was following it be the dog suddenly hopped onto a small pillar, then it turned to face Rin.

"Hello again Mr. Okumura! I hoped you enjoyed your day as much as I did." The dog spoke in Mephisto's voice.

Rin froze in shock. He had just heard the dog speak, or was that his imagination?

"I forgot to give this to you." The dog/Mephisto said, holding out a key towards Rin. " This key will take you wherever you want to go on the campus. All you have to do is put it in any key hole. Now, follow me, you're about to be late for your first day of Cram School!"

"Cram school? What the heck is that?" Rin managed to ask.

"Yes, Cram school. It's still your wish to become an exorcist, correct?" Mephisto asked. Rin could hear the smirk in his voice even though he couldn't see it on the dogs face.

"Of course it is!" Rin said, gripping the key tightly in his hand. He didn't notice that it cut through his skin. That's how tightly he had squeezed it.

"Follow me then!" Mephisto cried happily as he hopped over to the other side of the pillar. "Place the key into the lock. Your training is about to begin!"

Rin jumped over, he fell down a lot farther than he thought it had been. He landed on his feet and right in front of a door. With a deep breath, Rin reached out and placed the key into the lock...

This was why he had come. He was going to kill Satan, and get revenge for the one person that should have never died. Even with the secrets... he didn't deserve to die. Rin would make Satan pay. That was his one and only goal. Nothing else mattered anymore.

**A/N:Thank you so much for reading! hope you liked the extra length of this one!**


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